Tilting at Windmills?

As I enter the final sprint of my second-t0-last semester of law school, I find this quote from Cervantes' Don Quixote (which I have edited to make it more...applicable) especially apropos:

"In short, [she] so immersed [herself] in those [law books] that [she] spent whole days and nights over [her] books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading, [her] brains dried up to such a degree that [she] lost the use of [her] reason."

Yeah, I'm there. I've always enjoyed my friend Don Quixote, but now I see that we are kindred spirits. And thus, I descend into the sleepless, dried up brain, unreasonable experience that is Finals Week.

I'd rather be tilting those windmills. Wish me luck.

Ode to Federal Courts

Class is boring, I am snoring

I must return to bed this morning.

I would rather read some Willa Cather,

for what I'm reading now's just blather.

I do not care for habeas corpus

I'd rather go swim with a porpoise

Rasul and Hamdi and Padilla,

Can't keep my brain engaged--so SEE YA

Aren't you glad I'm good at rhyming?

(At least I haven't started "miming.")

This class for me has become painful

and thus you get this silly brainful.

Fingerprints and [Free] Agency

So I'm getting close to being done with [blasted] law school and am working on my bar application. Let me tell you--it's a pretty intensive, in depth application. I have to list every address I've lived at and every job I've ever had (including their addresses!) for the past ten years, I need a bazillion character affidavits/references from people unrelated to me, a copy of my birth certificate (you get the idea)...and I have to get fingerprinted.

I had to call the SC Office of Bar Admissions (which is only open until 2pm EST) to get a special fingerprint card and have them mail it out to me. And today...I went over to University Police on the main campus to get fingerprinted. Fun, right? Who knew that in order to become an officer of the court, I'd have to get fingerprinted like some kind of criminal? Anyway. The officer made fun of South Carolina (he didn't like how they folded the fingerprint card), he made fun of my hands for being dry (hello--Utah), and then he got upset when I showed him how SC wanted the card filled out. Fun.

But on the way back from BYUPD, I came upon the highlight of my day:

Another member of BYU's Finest (dressed in a BYUPD windbreaker, tight shorts, and shoes with socks pulled up--in 4o degree weather) was in the process of kicking a woman--who was dressed like a bag lady, complete with spastic hair--off of campus. She was distributing anti-Mormon literature from a suitcase/bag the size of my car, and this woman, whose name is RACHEL, screamed at the top of her lungs, flinging her arms every which way, the entire time she packed up her materials, and rolled herself off of campus.

The woman looked a lot like this (minus the makeup) as she screamed: "I KNOW MY RIGHTS, THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH, I CAN SHARE MY MESSAGE!!!!! I HAVE FREE AGENCY!!!! LET'S ALL COME TOGETHER NOW AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! PRAISE GOD, HALLELUJAH!!! I HAVE MY FREE AGENCY!!! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!!!

BYU SUUUUUUUCCKKKSSSSS!!!!!

She was flipping out, eyes bulging, screaming all the way across campus, dragging her rolly bag behind her, tripping, bag lady skirt and frizzy hair flying behind her.

Fingerprint Card: $10, Bar Exam Application: $400,

Insane Flipout: Priceless

To the girl sitting next to me in class

The girl who:

Comes in 10-12 minutes late every day, flings her stuff everywhere, and takes another 5 [loud] minutes to get situated;

Coughs her lungs up loudly during the entire class and announces to those of us in close proximity to her that the doctors don't know what's wrong with her and that she's probably dying;

Often comes to class with just a notebook, but not her laptop, textbook OR even a pen, and then asks to borrow mine;

Tells me that my Facebooking is distracting and that I should stop;

Informs me that her laptop is radioactive and probably giving her cancer--AND then wraps a lap desk in tin foil to put under her laptop to "stop the radiation from getting her;"


You need to stay away from me: drop out of school, throw yourself into shark-infested waters, drink hemlock, adopt Cujo...whatever. Just GET AWAY from me!

There's a reason

I'm still single.

Listen to THIS.

Hahahahahahahaha....Unbelievable!

Sure are a lot of winners left out there...

I don't get nearly enough sleep.

CURSES on law school

For those of you wondering

about the title from my last post about Kanye West, it's a quote from an episode of South Park (tasteless, I know, but sometimes funny).

A clip from the episode I referenced can be found HERE. Warning--there is a bad word in the clip.

I wasn't trying to be offensive, but when I heard what Mr. West did at the VMA's, that episode was the first thing I thought of--and I titled my posting the same. I know--I'm clever AND original. I don't ascribe to those ideals or to being offensive--it was just a quote from a (childish...and kind of gross) tv show.

Kanye West is a Gay Fish

I'm sure he also kicks puppies, steals candy from children,

and trips old people with walkers.

Jerk.

You LIE!!

I know I'm a little late to be voicing my opinion on this but....I've been busy, so you get to hear it now. There's been a little bit of an uproar about a certain senator from SC who...shall we say, spoke a few choice words directed at Obama. I don't know why it shocks everyone so much...this is not the first time a South Carolinian has "spoken out" in Congress.





I'm speaking, of course, of Preston Smith Brooks.



On May 22, 1856 Preston Brooks, SC Rep., beat Senator Charles Sumner with his wooden walking cane in the Senate chamber. The provocation for the beating came from a speech Sumner had made three days earlier. In Sumner's speech, he criticized President Pierce and all Southerners who sympathized with the pro-slavery violence in Kansas. Further, Sumner blasted Brooks' relative, Senator Andrew Butler, describing slavery as a harlot and comparing Butler with Don Quixote for embracing it, in addition to which he mocked Butler for a physical handicap.





At first, Brooks intended to challenge Sumner to a duel; however, after consulting with fellow SC Rep. Laurence M. Keitt on duelling etiquette, he was instructed that dueling was for gentlemen of equal social standing, suggesting that Sumner occupied a lower social status--comparable to a drunkard--due to the coarse language he had used during the speech. Brooks thus decided to attack Sumner with a cane--the same kind of cane used to discipline his dogs!




On the afternoon of May 22, Brooks confronted Sumner as he sat writing at his desk in the almost empty Senate chamber. Brooks said,

"Mr. Sumner, I have read your speech twice over carefully. It is a libel on South Carolina, and Mr. Butler who is a relative of mine."



As Sumner stood, Brooks began beating Sumner on the head with his thick, gold-headed cane. Brooks continued to beat Sumner until he broke his cane, then quietly left the chamber. After the incident, South Carolinians sent Brooks dozens of brand new canes--one even bore the phrase "Hit him again."


I may be a heathen, but I think this story is hilarious. Both stories, actually. Must be the SC in me. Less than a day after Rep. Joe Wilson spoke his infamous words, one of his campaign aides confirmed that Rep. Wilson has raised more than $200,000. Granted, it's not a gold topped cane or the million that his opponent has claimed to have raised...but it's something. We like when one of our own speaks his mind.


Perhaps Wilson made his views on certain matters known in a so-called inappropriate way, but don't we want representatives who are going to fight for what they believe--fight for us!--no matter who is in opposition to those views? I'm not advocating incivility or violence in any way at all, but I'm not at all pleased with the direction Obama seems to be taking us...and I'm glad there's someone up in DC speaking for me. And IMHO, he should keep speaking.

Update: He's up to $1 million now...

Manifest Destiny Indeed!

This country takes FOREVER to drive across. I don't know what those pioneers were thinking WALKING across the entire thing. Ugh.

That being said...I think it's something everyone should do at least once. You don't realize just how big this country is until you drive across and see it all. It's quite something to see the landscape change from what we have on the East Coast and this old Utah.

More to come later...

JUST...

ONE final and...

FOUR days

until I'm out of here!!

SC here I come!!

Oh My, Oh My...What A Night!

Baseball season is finally here--and I'm just giddy. Ha ha. It's time to get out the sunscreen, buy a hot dog, and root for the home team.

Seriously, what's better than sitting in the hot sun, smelling the grass and the clay, sitting with friends (it's baseball--everyone's friendly) and watching "the beautiful game?"

Part of its beauty lies in the fact that , although the game does inspire "healthy" competition, those who truly love the game know that it's really not about winning and losing--it's just about the satisfaction of playing the game and playing it well. Cliche? Perhaps. But nothing beats feeling that perfect pitch hit the sweet spot of your bat as you swing away. Or running and diving for that impossible fly ball, and feeling it fall into your glove. And sprinting toward home plate, sliding, and beating the throw. If you lose--there's no crying in baseball--life goes on. Pack it up, practice until you get it right, do it better next time.

"The one constant through all the years...has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past...[i]t reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again." (Field of Dreams).

And tonight, I was just thrilled to watch my Braves knock down those Phillies in this year's Opening Day...er, Night. It's about time!!

How about our little rookie, Jordan Schafer? He made his major league debut tonight with an amazing home run!

And I just might have a little crush on Derek Lowe after his stellar performance tonight!

And I'm just loving their new look! I'm super excited to see how the rest of the season plays out! "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks...I don't care if I never get back!!"

The Booty-Kicking

So last night I took part in my first [mock] trial. And my partner and I kicked some serious prosecution booty! It was an interesting experience to say the least--we had a run-in with some seriously ridiculous opposing counsel (he even objected during my closing statement--who DOES that?!?!).

And I had help from some pretty spectacular witnesses--

kudos to Andrew and Greg!

But we won, so rack another one up to reasonable doubt!!

I've still got lots to learn on trial work...but I'm pretty sure I was born for this.

Oh my.

Things I'd Rather Be Doing Than My Homework

Eating vegetables

Drinking expired milk

Clipping my toenails

Cleaning the bathroom

Shoveling Snow

Be at the dentist

Deathboxing

Cleaning out the oven

Locking my keys in my car

Dating Tom Cruise

Living in Nebraska

Cutting my heart out with a spoon.

What Does Your Birthday Say About You?

I found a Birthday Calculator (while I was studying of course) and I thought it was kind of fun. Here's some of what it had to say about me:

1 February 1983

Your date of conception was on or about 11 May 1982 which was a Tuesday.

You were born on a Tuesday under the astrological sign Aquarius.

Your fortune cookie reads: To love is to forgive.

You were born in the Chinese Year of the Dog.

Your Native American Zodiac sign is Otter; your plant is Fern.

All of which prompted me to further research the zodiac signs to see if they fit my personality. Here's what they had to say...let me know what you think!


Aquarius - The Water Bearer January 20 – February 18

Often simple and unassuming, the Aquarian goes about accomplishing goals in a quiet, often unorthodox ways. Although their methods may be unorthodox, the results for achievement are surprisingly effective. Aquarian’s will take up any cause, and are humanitarians of the zodiac. They are honest, loyal and highly intelligent. They are also easy going and make natural friendships. If not kept in check, the Aquarian can be prone to sloth and laziness. However, they know this about themselves, and try their best to motivate themselves to action. They are also prone to philosophical thoughts, and are often quite artistic and poetic.



Otter: Jan 20 - Feb 18

A little quirky, and unorthodox, the Otter is a hard one to figure sometimes. Perceived as unconventional, the Otter methods aren't the first ones chosen to get the job done. This is a big mistake on the part of others – because although unconventional, the Otter's methods are usually quite effective. Yes, the Otter has unusual way of looking at things, but he/she is equipped with a brilliant imagination and intelligence, allowing him/her an edge over every one else. Often very perceptive and intuitive, the Otter makes a very good friend, and can be very attentive. In a nurturing environment the Otter is sensitive, sympathetic, courageous, and honest. Left to his/her own devices, the Otter can be unscrupulous, lewd, rebellious, and isolated.

Year of the Dog

People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets. But Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues. Dog people make good leaders. They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.

chillin out, maxin, relaxin all cool

Today, I had to go onto the main campus...and what did I see? A kid, carrying a huge boombox (think--the size of a park bench!) on his shoulder...and said boombox was blaring the theme song to Fresh Prince. Oh my. He must have been "up to no good!" Yo ho, smell you later! Oh, BYU campus. One word of advice to this kid: Ipod.

Grossout Alert

FYI: The kid behind me in my trial practice class is revolting. Disgusting. Beastly. Loathesome. He does hideous things and makes hideous noises, e.g., hacking and snorting snot. Ugh. It makes my stomach turn just to think about it. Seriously...I leave the class and feel like I have to go home and shower immediately just to remove the poison of his grossness. Sick Sick SICK!!

(This is what he looks like...or at least how I think of him.)

Lång Levande Sverige!!

note: I don't know why I'm so into lists lately, but here's another that will give you more reasons to be jealous of me. hahahaha....

Some of the luckiest people on this earth happen to be Swedes or of Swedish descent. There will probably be some who argue with me, but they're just silly. And after reading this list, those silly people will have no choice but to agree with me.

1. VIKINGS
Who doesn't love tall, rugged, manly men who sail on really cool ships and bring home booty for their women??

They were once described by the Arabic traveler, Ibn Fadlan, as follows:
"I have never seen more perfect physical specimens tall as date palms, blond and ruddy; they wear neither tunics nor caftans, but the men wear a garment which covers one side of the body and leaves a hand free. Each man has an axe, a sword, and a knife, and keeps each by him at all times." Need I say more??"

2. SWEDISH MASSAGE
Relaxing, good for blood flow...just be on the lookout for any masseuse with wandering fingers. That's NOT what kind of massage I mean! Oh my, oh my!!


3. GREAT FILM
Ingmar Bergman. No one can argue with the fact that he's a genius. Take, for example, "Smiles on a Summer Night" or "The Seventh Seal." And who can forget Greta Garbo, Dolph Lundgren, Lena Olin, Ann-Margret, Max von Sydow...and many others?

4. SWEDISH PANCAKES
Thin deliciousness served sweet, with a fruit compote or syrup (strawberry is my favorite) and powdered sugar, or you can stuff them with savory breakfast fillings. Oh, how glorious!!


5. GREAT MUSIC
Honey, honey...such greats as ABBA, The Sounds, The Hives, and Jan Johansson (among many others). Just fabulous.

6. THE NOBEL PRIZE
Alfred Nobel invented dynamite (for which we're all grateful) and later instituted the Nobel Prize--the ultimate and highly coveted award for excellence in your chosen endeavor. The Supreme Competition. Oh. My.

7. ASTRID LINDGREN
Two words: Pippi Longstocking!!

8. H&M
Shopping. I don't need to say anything else.

9. NILS BOHLIN
He invented the three-point safety belt while working at Volvo. Saving lives worldwide since 1962! The world's population would be smaller by millions of people without good old Nils!

10. AND FINALLY,
The greatest example of Swedish engineering....ME, of course! Don't tell me you didn't see that one coming!


(and how funny/hideous is this picture?!?! hahahahahahahahaha!)

Zumba Update

FYI: Superstar put on an amazing performance last night. We had a pretty traumatic run-in with The Creepers last night. By the end of the night, we had been pushed back ten feet from our original spot. Ridiculous!

And a few more nicknames:

GREEN BEAN:
This girl is tall and skinny and wears a lime green shirt and matching hair ribbon. She really doesn't do anything wrong, she just kept getting in my way last night and thus earned a nickname. It really suits her.

The NOTE TAKER:
This girl is also a carryover from Pilates. She used to bring a notebook to Pilates and write down everything we did so that she could do it at home by herself. And she was always the one who, when the instructor would ask if we should do more reps, said "YES! MORE! HARDER! FASTER!" Ha.

STICK STICKLY:
Stick Stickly is just unfortunate enough to look like Stick Stickly. Hahahahahahahahhaa.

Zumba!

So, Courtney and I have been taking a Zumba class for a little while and, for the most part, we like it. We get a pretty good workout that's somewhat disguised as dancing (to a kind of mix of latin and hip hop rhythms). Way more fun than a regular workout. But while we're dancing/exercising, there are a few fellow Zumba-ites who make the class more...interesting, to say the least. Let me introduce you to them:

The CREEPERS

The creepers are a group of four girls who look about the age of freshman babies. They show up and cram all four of them into the space right next to us (where only two people should normally fit). Then, while we're working out, they creep closer, and closer, and closer...seriously invading our personal space. Eventually they get close enough that I can actually hit them...and I do. and they move. But eventually, they creep on back.

The MATCHY-MATCHY TWINNERS

The MMT's are two girls who dress alike--usually in a pink/reddish top and black pants--and "dance" at the front of the class so teacher can see them. I put dance in quotations b/c they think they're really good b/c they've obviously taken a dance class before and their hips are moving. But superstars, they are not.

The SUPERSTAR
Yes, we have a superstar in our class. She moves and shakes and gyrates her hips as if she were on "So You Think You Can Dance" or even "Dancing with the Stars." And her motions get exponentially more exuberant whenever the instructor gets anywhere near her. Superstar comes with a friend who's not quite on the same level as Superstar, so I guess she would be more of a Toadie.

FANCY PANTS
Oh, where do I even start on Fancy Pants? She comes to class with her hair done and wearing all kinds of interesting "workout" clothes. The rest of us just come in workout pants/shorts and t-shirts, but this girl wears "Outfits." And she also thinks she's really good at dancing--she's pretty much up there with Superstar, but her outfits put her on an entirely different level.

HOGI YOGI

Hogi Yogi can technically be classified as a "creeper," but as she's not part of the other group, she's in a class all on her own. She always wears a Hogi Yogi t-shirt to class and alternates between Creeping and Hopping (continuously moving around to various parts of the room trying to find a better spot).

POINTY TOE

Pointy Toe actually earned her nickname last semester when we were all in the same Pilates class together. She is very tall and has long, super-skinny legs with equally long and skinny feet. She would always put her mat close to mine and shove her pointy feet in my face, thus earning her nickname. I thought she'd take my eye out!

BANANA

Banana is a fairly recent addition to our class--who wears an ultra-bright yellow t-shirt. She starts by running around the track, then joining us in class for a while, then runs around the track again, and then comes back to class. She doesn't really do anything wrong, but her movements are so spasmodically enthusiastic we just have to laugh. It's hilarious, really.

AND THEN THERE'S US...

And then you have Courtney and me, hanging at the back of the room. Sometimes we don't pay attention very well and do the wrong moves. Sometimes we don't feel like being there and aren't very committed to the exercise. I guess you could call us the Bad Kids in the class. Oh well. We like it like that.