I Did Some Swearing

It's true. I swore yesterday...swore to uphold the Constitution of South Carolina, the US, to faithfully serve my clients, and everything else required of a South Carolina attorney.

My parents, little brother, and I drove up to Columbia yesterday so that I (along with all the other admittees) could stand in front of the SC Supreme Court and take the oath of office (which, if you're interested, can be found HERE).

So, after a long, LONG journey, I've finally made it. I'm officially an attorney!! P.S.: That's me holding my certificate to practice law in the State of South Carolina. It will look GOOD hanging in my future office.

Just Call me ESQUIRE!!

So, I know I've been ridiculously MIA for quite a while, but all I've been doing is the oh, so fun job hunt and waiting for bar results--and that's not an interesting blog topic. Just saying.

BUT...last Friday, results were posted and I PASSED THE BAR EXAM!!!! Oh, what a good feeling...and a HUGE relief! So, at the end of the month I'll be sworn into the South Carolina Bar and I will officially be an attorney! You can see my name on the pass list HERE. I'm number 10 on the list. I'm excited!! There will be more pictures after I'm sworn in and hopefully another post soon announcing a successful end to the job hunt (which btw has been hideous thus far).

I'm Not Dead

Just in case you were wondering. Finals hit me, then graduation, then the drive home across the country, then I got here and finished up my 403's and now I'm studying for the bar. So I'll probably stay gone until that's all over. See y'all in August.

Denver...Delay...Delta...

What do these three words have in common? They all start with the same letters as DEvil. As Caitlin says on the matter: Coincidence? I think not.

I don't know how many of you have flown through Denver, but this creepy demon horse is the first--and most memorable--thing you see when you fly in. It's huge, it's blue, it's angry, and it has glow-in-the-dark evil eyes. And I'm pretty sure it curses everything that flies in and out of that place.

And cursed I was. I got off the plane and the first thing I see is an email telling me I've been bumped to a later flight. Then, when I go to get my new boarding pass, they tell me that all flights to SLC have been cancelled that night--AND that I can't get out until TUESDAY. Well, I got them to put me on a flight on Monday instead...but I was still stranded. In Denver. Ugh.

Luckily it was the airline's fault--something wrong with the plane--so they put me up in a hotel for the night and gave me vouchers for food, etc., but I was still stuck in Denver, with no clothes, toiletries, no makeup. The next morning was NOT pretty. And I missed another entire day of classes--not good. Cursed by the Demon Horse of Denver.

And then...when I did make it back to SLC, I got into the shuttle to take me back to my apartment in Provo and the driver finds out I'm in law school and starts asking me all kinds of questions about the bar exam. He knew a lot more about it than the average person does, so I asked him if he had known someone who took the exam...or what. He turns and looks at me (creepily, I might add) and says, "I'm an attorney." Seriously???? He claims he didn't like the law and is looking to do something else now...but still. You couldn't find anything else to do? I'm hoping this isn't another bad omen about the job market right now...but who knows how far the Demon Horse's curse will go.

Just Call Me Hexxusssssss....

Because who even needs rainforests anyway? Most people say that trees are a good thing. And that rainforests are endangered. But "I see the world and all the creatures in it, I suck 'em dry and spit 'em out like spinach, 'Cause greedy human beings will always lend a hand with the destruction of this worthless jungle land."

Am I a greedy human being sucking the the world dry? Am I spitting it out like spinach? Oh yeah. But it's only because I am in nose-blowing misery...and there don't seem to be enough tissues in the world to deal with my...umm....nasal emissions. Spitting them out like spinach, I am. Gross. And Eeeevvvviiillll....Muah ha ha ha ha...

Seriously. It's bad. I imagine I've used up a couple acres of trees with the tissues I've used and thrown away. Should I feel ashamed about that? Hmmmm...probably. But I don't. I don't feel bad because I'm a greedy, soulless, tree-killing, tissue-using Human.

Being green is expensive and totally lame. Everyone should model their behavior after Hexus, as I have...because I need those trees to be cut down to make more tissues for me. MORE, I say!!

Or maybe I'm just bitter, hostile, crabby because this is the FOURTH placement break I've spent lying in bed, sick. No, that couldn't be it. I'm just a tree killer.

We've Been "Bad"...My, Oh My!

So...apparently my roommate and I are being punished--by our other roommate. Yeah. You heard me right--PUNISHED!! We're bad.

We don't like living in a daycare and I guess that she's responding to our frustration regarding such. That, and we actually get along with each other. Jealous perhaps? Who knows? So she refuses to clean, do dishes, take out the trash...and the big move: she took her TV out of the living room. Oooooohhh...BFD. It's her TV--she can do what she wants with it.

But I got a good laugh out of it. She's a year or two older than me--making her almost 30--and yet she still finds it appropriate to "punish" her roommates. I'm not sure if she thinks it will be effective, or if she's just extremely passive-aggressive. And who does she think she is to punish ME? No one's punished me or told me what to do since high school--and even then it didn't go over so well. And does she think I'm going to learn something from her infantile so-called "punishment??" Hahahahahahaha! She has no idea with whom she is dealing.

Doesn't such behavior seem like something more appropriate for an 18-year-old child fresh from high school...or perhaps even middle school. Yeah, it's more like middle school drama. Seriously, who does that?? But hey, I guess whatever. I've only got like 2.5 months left here. Punishment indeed!!

Tilting at Windmills?

As I enter the final sprint of my second-t0-last semester of law school, I find this quote from Cervantes' Don Quixote (which I have edited to make it more...applicable) especially apropos:

"In short, [she] so immersed [herself] in those [law books] that [she] spent whole days and nights over [her] books; and thus with little sleeping and much reading, [her] brains dried up to such a degree that [she] lost the use of [her] reason."

Yeah, I'm there. I've always enjoyed my friend Don Quixote, but now I see that we are kindred spirits. And thus, I descend into the sleepless, dried up brain, unreasonable experience that is Finals Week.

I'd rather be tilting those windmills. Wish me luck.

Ode to Federal Courts

Class is boring, I am snoring

I must return to bed this morning.

I would rather read some Willa Cather,

for what I'm reading now's just blather.

I do not care for habeas corpus

I'd rather go swim with a porpoise

Rasul and Hamdi and Padilla,

Can't keep my brain engaged--so SEE YA

Aren't you glad I'm good at rhyming?

(At least I haven't started "miming.")

This class for me has become painful

and thus you get this silly brainful.

Fingerprints and [Free] Agency

So I'm getting close to being done with [blasted] law school and am working on my bar application. Let me tell you--it's a pretty intensive, in depth application. I have to list every address I've lived at and every job I've ever had (including their addresses!) for the past ten years, I need a bazillion character affidavits/references from people unrelated to me, a copy of my birth certificate (you get the idea)...and I have to get fingerprinted.

I had to call the SC Office of Bar Admissions (which is only open until 2pm EST) to get a special fingerprint card and have them mail it out to me. And today...I went over to University Police on the main campus to get fingerprinted. Fun, right? Who knew that in order to become an officer of the court, I'd have to get fingerprinted like some kind of criminal? Anyway. The officer made fun of South Carolina (he didn't like how they folded the fingerprint card), he made fun of my hands for being dry (hello--Utah), and then he got upset when I showed him how SC wanted the card filled out. Fun.

But on the way back from BYUPD, I came upon the highlight of my day:

Another member of BYU's Finest (dressed in a BYUPD windbreaker, tight shorts, and shoes with socks pulled up--in 4o degree weather) was in the process of kicking a woman--who was dressed like a bag lady, complete with spastic hair--off of campus. She was distributing anti-Mormon literature from a suitcase/bag the size of my car, and this woman, whose name is RACHEL, screamed at the top of her lungs, flinging her arms every which way, the entire time she packed up her materials, and rolled herself off of campus.

The woman looked a lot like this (minus the makeup) as she screamed: "I KNOW MY RIGHTS, THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH, I CAN SHARE MY MESSAGE!!!!! I HAVE FREE AGENCY!!!! LET'S ALL COME TOGETHER NOW AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! PRAISE GOD, HALLELUJAH!!! I HAVE MY FREE AGENCY!!! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!!!!

BYU SUUUUUUUCCKKKSSSSS!!!!!

She was flipping out, eyes bulging, screaming all the way across campus, dragging her rolly bag behind her, tripping, bag lady skirt and frizzy hair flying behind her.

Fingerprint Card: $10, Bar Exam Application: $400,

Insane Flipout: Priceless

To the girl sitting next to me in class

The girl who:

Comes in 10-12 minutes late every day, flings her stuff everywhere, and takes another 5 [loud] minutes to get situated;

Coughs her lungs up loudly during the entire class and announces to those of us in close proximity to her that the doctors don't know what's wrong with her and that she's probably dying;

Often comes to class with just a notebook, but not her laptop, textbook OR even a pen, and then asks to borrow mine;

Tells me that my Facebooking is distracting and that I should stop;

Informs me that her laptop is radioactive and probably giving her cancer--AND then wraps a lap desk in tin foil to put under her laptop to "stop the radiation from getting her;"


You need to stay away from me: drop out of school, throw yourself into shark-infested waters, drink hemlock, adopt Cujo...whatever. Just GET AWAY from me!

There's a reason

I'm still single.

Listen to THIS.

Hahahahahahahaha....Unbelievable!

Sure are a lot of winners left out there...

I don't get nearly enough sleep.

CURSES on law school

For those of you wondering

about the title from my last post about Kanye West, it's a quote from an episode of South Park (tasteless, I know, but sometimes funny).

A clip from the episode I referenced can be found HERE. Warning--there is a bad word in the clip.

I wasn't trying to be offensive, but when I heard what Mr. West did at the VMA's, that episode was the first thing I thought of--and I titled my posting the same. I know--I'm clever AND original. I don't ascribe to those ideals or to being offensive--it was just a quote from a (childish...and kind of gross) tv show.

Kanye West is a Gay Fish

I'm sure he also kicks puppies, steals candy from children,

and trips old people with walkers.

Jerk.

You LIE!!

I know I'm a little late to be voicing my opinion on this but....I've been busy, so you get to hear it now. There's been a little bit of an uproar about a certain senator from SC who...shall we say, spoke a few choice words directed at Obama. I don't know why it shocks everyone so much...this is not the first time a South Carolinian has "spoken out" in Congress.





I'm speaking, of course, of Preston Smith Brooks.



On May 22, 1856 Preston Brooks, SC Rep., beat Senator Charles Sumner with his wooden walking cane in the Senate chamber. The provocation for the beating came from a speech Sumner had made three days earlier. In Sumner's speech, he criticized President Pierce and all Southerners who sympathized with the pro-slavery violence in Kansas. Further, Sumner blasted Brooks' relative, Senator Andrew Butler, describing slavery as a harlot and comparing Butler with Don Quixote for embracing it, in addition to which he mocked Butler for a physical handicap.





At first, Brooks intended to challenge Sumner to a duel; however, after consulting with fellow SC Rep. Laurence M. Keitt on duelling etiquette, he was instructed that dueling was for gentlemen of equal social standing, suggesting that Sumner occupied a lower social status--comparable to a drunkard--due to the coarse language he had used during the speech. Brooks thus decided to attack Sumner with a cane--the same kind of cane used to discipline his dogs!




On the afternoon of May 22, Brooks confronted Sumner as he sat writing at his desk in the almost empty Senate chamber. Brooks said,

"Mr. Sumner, I have read your speech twice over carefully. It is a libel on South Carolina, and Mr. Butler who is a relative of mine."



As Sumner stood, Brooks began beating Sumner on the head with his thick, gold-headed cane. Brooks continued to beat Sumner until he broke his cane, then quietly left the chamber. After the incident, South Carolinians sent Brooks dozens of brand new canes--one even bore the phrase "Hit him again."


I may be a heathen, but I think this story is hilarious. Both stories, actually. Must be the SC in me. Less than a day after Rep. Joe Wilson spoke his infamous words, one of his campaign aides confirmed that Rep. Wilson has raised more than $200,000. Granted, it's not a gold topped cane or the million that his opponent has claimed to have raised...but it's something. We like when one of our own speaks his mind.


Perhaps Wilson made his views on certain matters known in a so-called inappropriate way, but don't we want representatives who are going to fight for what they believe--fight for us!--no matter who is in opposition to those views? I'm not advocating incivility or violence in any way at all, but I'm not at all pleased with the direction Obama seems to be taking us...and I'm glad there's someone up in DC speaking for me. And IMHO, he should keep speaking.

Update: He's up to $1 million now...

Manifest Destiny Indeed!

This country takes FOREVER to drive across. I don't know what those pioneers were thinking WALKING across the entire thing. Ugh.

That being said...I think it's something everyone should do at least once. You don't realize just how big this country is until you drive across and see it all. It's quite something to see the landscape change from what we have on the East Coast and this old Utah.

More to come later...

JUST...

ONE final and...

FOUR days

until I'm out of here!!

SC here I come!!

Oh My, Oh My...What A Night!

Baseball season is finally here--and I'm just giddy. Ha ha. It's time to get out the sunscreen, buy a hot dog, and root for the home team.

Seriously, what's better than sitting in the hot sun, smelling the grass and the clay, sitting with friends (it's baseball--everyone's friendly) and watching "the beautiful game?"

Part of its beauty lies in the fact that , although the game does inspire "healthy" competition, those who truly love the game know that it's really not about winning and losing--it's just about the satisfaction of playing the game and playing it well. Cliche? Perhaps. But nothing beats feeling that perfect pitch hit the sweet spot of your bat as you swing away. Or running and diving for that impossible fly ball, and feeling it fall into your glove. And sprinting toward home plate, sliding, and beating the throw. If you lose--there's no crying in baseball--life goes on. Pack it up, practice until you get it right, do it better next time.

"The one constant through all the years...has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past...[i]t reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again." (Field of Dreams).

And tonight, I was just thrilled to watch my Braves knock down those Phillies in this year's Opening Day...er, Night. It's about time!!

How about our little rookie, Jordan Schafer? He made his major league debut tonight with an amazing home run!

And I just might have a little crush on Derek Lowe after his stellar performance tonight!

And I'm just loving their new look! I'm super excited to see how the rest of the season plays out! "Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks...I don't care if I never get back!!"

The Booty-Kicking

So last night I took part in my first [mock] trial. And my partner and I kicked some serious prosecution booty! It was an interesting experience to say the least--we had a run-in with some seriously ridiculous opposing counsel (he even objected during my closing statement--who DOES that?!?!).

And I had help from some pretty spectacular witnesses--

kudos to Andrew and Greg!

But we won, so rack another one up to reasonable doubt!!

I've still got lots to learn on trial work...but I'm pretty sure I was born for this.

Oh my.

Things I'd Rather Be Doing Than My Homework

Eating vegetables

Drinking expired milk

Clipping my toenails

Cleaning the bathroom

Shoveling Snow

Be at the dentist

Deathboxing

Cleaning out the oven

Locking my keys in my car

Dating Tom Cruise

Living in Nebraska

Cutting my heart out with a spoon.